I Want

I want to be bound, tied up and tied down. I want to be taken. I want to feel that I am being cared for and looked after. I want to feel the pinch on my nipples, the steady sting and thud of the flogger on my back and ass. I want the slap of the paddle or crop or cane to take my breath away, just for a moment. And then I want to feel the awareness and calm that follows that quick slap of pain. I want to feel that overwhelming, all-encompassing taken energy that zings to the very depths of my being.. I want to feel the third eye to third eye connection that makes the pain, pleasure. I want to feel my cunt dripping from want and desire and pain and pleasure. I want to feel the energy moving and tingling throughout my body. I want to feel the heat of wax on my cunt and the freeze of ice on my nipples. I want the tickle of feathers on my feet. The touch of silk around my eyes.  I want to give as much pleasure as I am receiving. I want to be brought to the edge of pleasure and then denied because it pleases you. I want to feel those delicious, uncontrollable spasms running up and down my legs and through my pussy, and then the pleasure, that exquisite sensation that shakes through my body. I want to know that you feel as much pleasure I as I feel.  I want …. I just want.  

The Wall - Part 2

Having my collar and arms bound to the wall, and my ass displayed makes me feel vulnerable and incredibly turned on.  “Oh, what fun we are going to have,” Mister growls in my ear.  “I’m going to put a blindfold on you now. It makes it easier to concentrate on the sensations.”  The world goes black, but my sense of touch and energy are magnified when the blindfold goes on.  I can feel Mister’s energy behind me.  And then he steps in and presses his body to my back, one arm goes around my neck, the other arm goes around my belly and I am being taken.  He leans his kiss into my neck and I sink deeper into that place of stillness, yes, that place of submission.  His energy is strong and deep. He steps away and the feeling of emptiness is intense.  I breathe, in, out … in, out … in, out.  “Entice me with your ass Vivian.  That’s the lesson for today.”  I arch my back and push my ass towards him as best I can, given the way I am bound. “Good girl.”  

He starts with the cane.  It’s stingy.  He varies the intensity and the pacing. Oh, I’m sinking deeper into my other world. I am learning that what one thinks of as pain is just a breath away from pleasure.  Zap!  Ohh goddess, this is a new sensation.  Zap, zap, zap.  I feel zings of electricity on my back and then the backs of my legs and ass..  Mister leans in and whispers, “The price of admission today, Vivian.”  As with many new sensations, I don’t know if I like it yet.  It takes me some time to integrate the sensation into my body.  Zap, zap, zap.  Ahhh, it is a sharp sting.  The zaps stop and I feel his hands moving the energy around my body … stroking my back, my arms, my ass.  His fingers find my pussy.  “Oh you are so wet.  You must like that electricity.”  Mister.’s magic fingers spend a few minutes stroking my pussy.  Oh goddess, these amazing sensations have me breathing faster.  I start fucking his hand.  “Not yet Vivian, not yet.  I hope you haven’t forgotten the rules?  No cumming without my permission.”  Aaarrrggghhh.  No, I haven’t forgotten.  Mister pulls his hand away from my pussy.  Slap, slap, slap, slap.  The spanking wakes up my ass.  “Present that ass to me, Vivian.  I don’t want to have to say it again,” Mister directs me.  Oh, I am learning to like his spankings. I shuffle my feet and rearrange my body as much as my bondage allows so that my ass is displayed for him.  Having my collar tethered to the wall makes this challenging.  Does he know the challenges?  I’m sure he does.  Trying to rearrange myself while bound to the wall has amplified my feeling of submission.  And having my collar attached to the wall just makes the feelings more intense.  

I feel a paddle caressing my ass.  Ohhh. Breathe. I need to breathe.  Slap, slap, slap, slap.  Mister continues with the paddling for a short while.  My ass is becoming very warm, very warm.  Ohhhh ... as challenging as these sensations are to take, I like this. I feel his hand on my back.  The paddling has stopped.  I am trying to breathe.  Deep breathes during this respite.  Then I feel a zap on my back.  Ahhhh, I stop breathing for a moment.  This zap was wider and stronger than the previous zaps.  Mister is stroking my back with the electricity. The sensation forces me to arch my back, pulling on my collar.  He moves the wand to my ass. Arrggghhhh.  My ass is already sore from the paddle.  The electricity amplifies the sensations left behind from the paddle.  Mister is taking great care with the wand  I can tell that playing with electricity is special for him.  He is stroking my ass and my legs with the electric wand.  He moves it to my pussy,  Oh goddess the quick sensation of the wand on my pussy takes my breath away.  He moves it back to my pussy.  Ahhhrrggghhh.  Mister continues to move the electricity around my body. Zapping my pussy every few strokes.  I’m not sure how much more of this I can take.  Breathe, I need to breathe …. in, out …. in, out … in, out … not much more … I will try to take as much as I can.  “Good girl,” I hear him say. “Good girl. That’s it, breathe.”  The zaps have stopped.  I let go, trying to let my body relax.  “You already have some beautiful color on your ass,” Mister says to me.  “I want to add some more color to that and make sure you’ll feel this after you leave here.”  I nod, knowing this is what I want.  I feel a thwack on my ass that vibrates through my body.  Oh goddess I won’t be able to take too many of these.  I take a deep breathe.  Thwack, thwack. thwack. I catch myself holding my breath.  “Breathe.” he growls.  Thwack, thwack. thwack.  

The paddling has stopped. My ass is on fire.  I feel his hands caressing the fire.  He strokes my pussy.  “Oh so wet. So very, very wet,” he whispers in my ear.  He has draped his body over my back his hands now pinching and pulling at my tits.  He pulls my nipples down hard.  He is rubbing himself against my ass .. arrggghhh the pain.  My body is not quite sure how to interpret these sensations.  His hands are back at my pussy.  Stroking, my cunt, stroking my clit.  The pain is morphing into incredible pleasure.  Oh yes, incredible pleasure.  His mouth is at my neck, kissing, nuzzling that spot just above the collar behind my ear.  I am melting into this man. How does he do this? This sense of being taken by this man is overwhelming.  I surrender.  My body has surrendered to his will.  “Oh we’re not done yet,” he whispers in my ear. “You have beautiful color on your ass.  I want to add more beautiful color to your back,”  

Mister grabs my ponytail and pulls my head back.  My collar, tethered to wall, prevents my head from going back too far.  He continues to pull my hair back.  I’m am caught between two opposing forces.  Oh goddess.  The only thought that runs through my mind is … taken, taken, taken.  I have no thought beyond that.  

And then he is gone.  I can’t feel him.  Where is he? Ahhh I feel his energy off to my left and slightly behind me.  Thwack, I feel the sting of the flogger. Oh goddess.  Thwack, thwack, thwack on my back.  The strokes are coming quickly.  I don’t have enough time to sort out the sensations.  And then he stops.  “Breathe Vivian,” you need to breathe.  Where are you? he asks. I’m good I say, I’m good, Green.  The flogging starts again.  This is a different sensation, not as stingy.  Oh, this flogger takes my breathe away.  I can feel the thud throughout my body.  Thud, thud, thud, thud.  Quickly the thuds come, with very little time between.  Thud, thud, thud.  I’m not sure I can take much more of this.  “Two more Vivian.  Can you take two more?”  Yes. His fingers find my pussy and start stroking. My body sinks into these sensations … back and forth, his fingers move back and forth inside my pussy.  “Two more Vivian..  I want you to count.”  Thud, woosh, that takes my breath away. One, I say.  Thud, again, my breath is taken from me. Two, I say.

My back is on fire and my ass is on fire. I am floating on a wave of sensation and calm.  I feel Mister enveloping me. His cock has found my cunt. With one movement he is inside me.  Ahhhh  HIs hands are at my nipples again, pulling hard.  Fuck. In out, in, out..  His hands are now on my ass.  Slap, slap.  Oh goddess, don’t stop Mister.  Please don’t stop. Fuck. Fuck, Fuck.  Please may I cum Mister, please may I cum Mister?  “Oh good girl.  Yes, cum.” he says. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.  My body is shaking., the muscles spasming.  Ahhh goddess.  Mister continues fucking me hard. Fuck, Fuck. Fuck. AAAHHHHH.  I can feel the contractions in my cunt. And then I feel Mister’s release. I can feel the energy of Mister’s orgasm spread throughout my entire body. Taken. Yes, I am taken.

Mister keeps me in a hug for a few moments. I can feel his heartbeat slowing. My breathing is becoming deeper and slower. “I’m going to release you from the wall. I want you to lean on me as I do this,” Mister instructs me.  I can do that. He releases my ankles from the spreader bar first.  I am still floating in this world of sensation and calm.  It is a wonderful world.  Mister unties my collar from the wall.  I feel an unexpected sense of loss when this tether is released.  Next he moves on to my right arm. “Drape your arm over my shoulder,” he says. My left arm is released and I drape it over his shoulder. “Keep your blindfold on.  I’m going to walk us over to the couch.”  Mister leads me over to the couch. He sits and gently guides me to sitting in his lap..  His arms come around me.  We sit quietly, basking in the energy that we have created, breathing slowly.  Many moments pass with the energy speaking in the silence.  I feel his hands on the blindfold.  Slowly he removes the cloth from my eyes.  I take a deep breath.  His hands are slowly moving up and down the areas of my body that he can reach.  “So I guess you like electricity play,” he says.  Yep I think so, I respond.  I feel him smile. I definitely think so.      

The Wall - Part 1

Mister showed me the wall on a Friday night.  We were video chatting, talking about everything under the sun and I was thoroughly enjoying it. We don’t often have a chance to talk like this, conversation with no agenda.  About an hour into our conversation Mister says,  “I want to show you what good girls get to experience.”  He picks his computer up and walks through his house to the front room.  Hmmm, I’m thinking to myself, what is he doing?  He enters the front room.  I’ve come to think of this room as an extension of him.  This room has such a powerful, calm, loving energy about it.  Okay, I’m thinking to myself, he’s in the front room. I’ve been in there before, not much to see.  The front room is very organized with little furniture and no clutter; minimal and open.  Oh, but just like with Mister one must look deeper.  Mister points his computer to a beautiful tapestry that is hanging on the wall.  For many months now I have been looking at that tapestry.  I’ve noticed it as a beautiful piece of art.  Mister pulls the tapestry aside.  My breath catches as I see what is behind the tapestry.  Mister has a wall with eye bolts and hooks attached at various locations.  Before my mind can even acknowledge what I’m looking at, I can feel the sexual energy in my body starting to zing.  “This is what good girls get to play on,” Mister tells me as he pans his computer camera across the wall.  Oh my.  My mind has stopped working as my body has already placed itself on the wall.  I’m a good girl, I say to Mister. He smiles and says, “Are you now?”  Yes. Yes I am.  And just as quickly as Mister decided to show me the wall, he puts the tapestry back in place and he and his computer leave the room.  Oh yes, this room is an extension of Mister … organized, open and loving … and one must look deeper, as there are powerful, beautiful, complex facets hidden in place sight.  

It is the weekend and I am on my way north.  “Enter through the side door when you get here.”  The text from Mister appears on my screen just as I’m pulling up in front his house.  I take moment in the car to quiet myself and center.  I enter the house and Mister is there.  His hug envelopes me. Ahhh, I will never take these hugs for granted.  I can feel his deep, dark energy today. More and more frequently Mister has been greeting me with this deeper, more complex energy.  I love this energy.  He is taking me to places that I could never go on my own.  “The price of admission to the wall is experimenting with electricity.” he tells me.  Whew, I think to myself  Not something that I ever thought of as erotic. But I have learned that what Mister wants to play with is always erotic. Yes, I respond.  Let’s play with electricity.

“Leave your things here and let’s go into the front room. But, first we must put your collar on.”  Mister places the leather around my neck and buckles it.  He leans in and kisses my neck above and below the leather.  Oh goddess the feel of leather around my neck … the feel of Mister leaning in ... I am going to that place of quiet and focus.  How does he do this?  He whispers in my ear, “And Vivian, I want you to crawl there.”  Ohhh. Why do I always struggle with this request?  I breathe. For him …  I will do this for him. I lower myself to the floor and start to crawl to the front room.  “Slowly Vivian, slowly. I want you to entice me with that beautiful ass of yours.”  I breathe, trying to calm my mind and stay in the present.  I crawl across the living room floor, exaggerating the sway of my ass.  The door to the front room is open and I cross the threshold on my hands and knees.  “Good girl,” I hear behind me.  The way he says those words ‘good girl’ sends sexual energy zinging through my body.  Simple, everyday words, yet when spoken by Mister have such power over me.   

“I’d like you to stand and present your arms to me.”  I stand with my arms out.  I know what is coming.  “I want you to ask me for what you want Vivian. Tell me what you want.”  I hesitate, this is never easy for me, but I am learning.  I want to be bound to the wall so that I can’t move and I want you to use your wonderful, scary toys on me … I want to experience lots of sensation.  “What else Vivian?” he asks.  I want to experiment with electricity today. And I want you to make me cum.  “Oh it will be my pleasure,” he grins.    My arms are still outstretched, begging to be bound.  Mister waits just a moment longer before he takes out the leather cuffs.  I watch him put the cuffs on my wrists. My breathing quickens.  I am concentrating hard on staying in the moment.  Deep breaths, in out.  What will he do to me today? Even as I am thinking this thought, I can feel my body responding to the possibilities. I am so aroused.

“Go stand in front of the wall.  Face the wall. Arms up.”  I do as he directs.  Mister starts to undress me, my shirt and then bra come off.  His hands are circulating the energy throughout my body.  He is caressing and scratching my arms, my neck, my face, my back.  Caressing and scratching my legs and ass, he removes my jeans and thong.  Oh the arousal that was focused in my cunt is beginning to move throughout my body.  Again, I have to ask myself, does he know how his touch affects me? Too quickly he stops.  “Keep those arms up Vivian.  Lean forward,”  My tits are now touching the wall. He attaches the leather cuffs to eyebolts in the wall.  He takes a leather strap, ties it to the ring on the front of my collar and attaches the other end to a ring on the wall. My mind goes deeper inside my body. I’m learning not to question why I like this sensation of being bound.  It just is.  Mister pulls at my nipples, hard. “I want you to stay present with me Vivian,” Ahhh, the pain/pleasure.  “Take a step back from the wall. Today I want you to entice me with your ass,” he directs.  I step back and wiggle my ass at him.  He bends, attaches leather cuffs to my ankles and then the spreader bar  “I don’t want you to be able to close,” he says.  “Until you’ve learned how to control yourself a bit more, I will control your opening and closing.”

Writing

“You haven’t been writing,” he says as we sit in the kitchen drinking our tea.  What?  I say, I’ve been writing.  I write every day.  “No. You haven’t written any scenes.”  He looks at me with that wide-open expression of his.  “How am I supposed to help you if you if don’t share what you want?”  I groan.  How I am I supposed to know what I want if I’ve never experienced this before?  I have no idea what it feels like.  This has always been my fear … that what the mind imagines, the body does not like.  And yet, I have been thinking about these possibilities in the abstract for years.  So, how the fuck am I supposed to write about it knowing that it could very possibly become real?  This is my conundrum.  And truth be told, just thinking about this my breath is quickening and I can feel that nervous, excited swirl in the pit of my stomach.

       “You’ve placed me in quite the predicament.”  He has my attention again.  “So I think that turn-around is fair.  You’ve placed me in a predicament, so it’s only fair that I place you in a predicament.”  I have no idea what he is talking about.  He’s smiling as he shares this information with me.  “My predicament is that I don’t know what you’re thinking.  I don’t know what you like or how to help you.  I think once we’ve had our session today you’ll have the motivation to write more.”  It’s all good, I’m thinking … it all sounds good.

       We finish our tea and walk into the living room.  “I want you to take off your clothes and place them over there.”  He stands behind me as I get undressed.  He’s never done this before, stand there and watch as I undress.  Already I am becoming aware of my body and it’s arousal.  I like the attention.  I never used to like being watched, but there is something ….. He moves around me, opens the door to the room and beckons me inside.

There is an item that looks like a sawhorse in the middle of the room, although the top is wider and has padded leather on top.  What the fuck is this I’m thinking to myself.  “Welcome to your predicament.”  I laugh.  What is this?  “I’d like you to kneel on those ledges and place your belly on the leather portion of the horse,” he tells me.  I can see that there is a place for me to put my knees that spreads my legs wide, and allows me to kneel and bend over so that my torso rests on the leather.  The leather pad is narrow enough that my breasts are hanging to either side.  “Put your forearms on those ledges.”  I am now kneeling over the horse. “Good girl,” I hear him say.  “Don’t move. I’m going to tie you to this horse.  I like rope, so this is for me, since I don’t know what you want.”  I’ve been writing I say.  I’ve been sharing.  “Not enough.  Not enough.”  I like rope I say.  I think I really like bondage, I say.  Being tied down with rope or leather cuffs … oh yes, I say … I think I really like that.  So this is good I say.  He smiles at me with that not-so-innocent expression of his.  “Good, then maybe you will enjoy this. Maybe.”  I sigh and settle into the horse.  He ties my legs to the horse at a point just above my knees and at the ankles.  I really like the feeling of him tying me to this horse.  My legs are spread wide.  “Easy access,” he says as he’s tying me to horse.  He stops and strokes my pussy a few times.  Ahh I’m thinking as I squirm and try to fuck his hand.  I like this … I really like this.  “Your moving,” he says, “I told you not to move.”  I stop my squirming.  But it feels so good.  You feel so good.  Of course I want to move.  I say to him. “Well, I’ll just have to help you stay still.”  He ties my arms to the ledges on the horse. My arms are stretched in front of me slightly.  It’s not uncomfortable, but it’s not totally comfortable either.  This isn’t so bad I’m thinking to myself.  Being bound like this and his attention is really turning me on.  I start squirming again.  I can move my body a little bit, but my legs and arms are bound tight to the horse.  Mr. starts rubbing my pussy again.  Goddess I could stay like this forever, it feels so good.  “I thought I told you not to move?” I can hear him smiling as he says these words.  I like this I say.  I’ll write about this.  “That’s good.  But now, it time for you to be in a predicament.  I want you to know what it feels like.”

       

I see some evil looking clamps in his hand.  He grabs my right tit and squeezes. Oh this feels good.  Then the clamp goes on, arrrgggghhhh.  I breathe through the pain and it lessens.  He does the same to my left tit.  Breathe, breathe, breathe.  He rubs my pussy again and I start moving.  “Enjoy it now, in a moment it will be a little bit different.”   Out of the corner of my eye I can see him taking out two pieces of twine.  He ties one piece of twine to my left tit and the other piece of twine to my right tit.  He pulls each piece of twine forward and ties them to small eyebolts on the front legs of the horse.  It’s not uncomfortable when I stay still, but if I move ohhh mammmma there is a bit of tug and pain.  He rubs his hands over my back and my legs and down my arms, rubbing, scratching, light patting.  He even uses a piece of fur.  “So tell me what you like.  Since you haven’t written the scene, I need you to do it now.”  Oh god, I like these sensations.  I like these feelings.  I’m a sensation whore I say.  I really like lots of sensation.  This is really nice.  “Not enough information,” he says. I want to move, to meet his hands, but the tug on my breasts hurts just a little too much when I move, so I try really hard to stay still.  I’m beginning to have a difficult time thinking.  I really, really like these sensations.  His pats are becoming a little bit harder and he keeps rubbing my pussy.  Arrrgggghhhh I don’t’ want to move, it hurts but it also feels so good.  I don’t know what to do.  “Well, again, it if you can’t write the scene for me, I’m gonna do what I want to do.”

       He moves away from me and I can hear him rustling around.  I can’t see what he is doing.  I feel lube on my anus. “I love this hole.”  I know I say.  You’re always talking about it.  He slaps my ass, hard.  Oh goddess.  My ass, my tits, it hurts. Then I feel something being pushed in to my asshole.  “We’re gonna go slow here,” he says  “Work you up slowly in the ass. Relax.” Relax?! I’m thinking, yeah, right.  He starts pushing a butt plug up my ass.  I can do this, I breathe, I can do this.  It’s narrow, thank goddess. Much smaller than the one he used on me before.  It’s in.  “Good girl,” I hear him whisper to himself as he rubs my ass cheeks.  Then he starts slowly moving the plug in and out, in and out.  Oh my goddess.  I’m trying not to move.  Ohhhhh.  He pushes it in.  “I think we’re gonna leave it here for a little bit,” he tells me.  “Don’t let it come out.”  He looks at me. “Hand, paddle, flogger or crop?  Oh, sorry, you don’t have to answer. This is my choice.  Maybe next time you’ll do some writing.”  I’m thinking to myself, please don’t choose the crop.  Please, no. I don’t think I’m gonna like that.  He picks up the crop.   Yeah right, Mr. Innocent, I’m thinking to myself.  Looks can be so very deceiving.  Mr. starts to use the crop on me, my ass my legs, my pussy, on the plug in my asshole, aaarrrgggg, even on my breasts.  I can’t stay still.  The sting of the crop, the painful tugs on my tits each time the crop hits and I move.  He continues with the crop for a short while longer.  “What a fucking wonderful predicament you’re in.  I can see you trying so hard to stay still.”  He’s stopped using the crop.  I’m trying to breathe, in and out, in and out.  I feel the slap of his hand on my ass. Slap. Slap.  “Thank me like a good girl when I spank you.” He’s put the crop down and has started spanking my ass.  Oh goddess, I want to move.  Thank you, thank you, thank you. Slap, slap, slap.  He rubs my pussy. His fingers come away covered in my juices. “Look how wet you are.  Well I think we’re going to have to do something about this.”  He takes the butt plug out of my ass.  I feel so empty. “I want you to think about the predicament you put me in,” he says as he stands there with one hand on my back.

       After a moment he moves his other hand and sticks a dildo up my cunt.  Ahhhh.  In, out, in, out.  I try to hump the dildo.  The pain in my tits is too much.

He laughs at my movements. “You want to come don’t you?”  Yes, please, please, please.  “Okay.”  He starts fucking me very slowly me with the dildo.  Goddess, the pain in my tits when I move … what am I supposed to do?  It feels so good in my cunt, but I need more, deeper, faster, harder.  The movement in my cunt is just not enough.  I want to move, but I don’t want to move.  He pulls out the magic wand.  I can feel the buzzing just beyond the reach of my clit.  He moves it in to my clit and then moves it away.  He fucks me slowly with the dildo.  He moves the magic wand in and then out.  Ohhhhh goddess it feels so good, so fucking amazing.  “I like this predicament,” Mr. laughs.  “If you want to come, you have to move so you can fuck it yourself.  I’m gonna hold my toys right here.”  I want to come so bad.  I fuck the dildo back and forth, oh my tits are on fire.  I fuck the magic wand up and down.  Back and forth, back and forth, up and down, up and down.  “Good girl,” I hear.  “Good girl.”  Back and forth, up and down.  Fuck, fuck, fuck. The pain in my tits is morphing into a humming energy in my body.  Goddess, the pain, the pain  ….  and then the pleasure.  I can’t control the shaking of my body.  The energy floods my body, on and on and on and on.  I love this.  Yes, I am a bondage whore and a sensation whore.  And I am learning to embrace it.

My body starts to quiet.  As I come back to awareness I hear Mr. say “Just a minute.”  He unties my tits from the horse and takes the clamps off.  His mouth and hands lessen the pain.  He stands behind me and lays himself over my back for a few moments.  My ass is sore from the crop and spanking he wielded earlier.  He rubs himself on my ass, just to remind me of that soreness. Holding my tits he takes away most of the remaining pain there.  Then he leans in closer to find that place on my neck, and burrows in with his mouth.  I breathe in the feeling, the smell of him.  Oh yes.  After a few more moments he stand up and starts removing my bindings.  I’m a bit unsteady on my feet as he helps me over to the couch.  He sits, pulls me into his lap and wraps his arms around me.  We sit like this for a while.  Next time, I say, maybe I’ll have to forget to write about my shibari fantasies.  “Good, fucking girl,” he responds.

The Beginning

He opens the door and smiles that smile of his, wide open and inviting.  His hug is all encompassing and makes everything right with the world.  No matter what is going on in my life his hugs bring everything into the here and now … and all is good. 

     “I’ve been waiting for you,” he whispers as he takes my hands.   “I’ve missed you,” he whispers again as he binds my wrists together.  I stand there and let him put the leather cuffs around my wrists.  This man, who is so open and loving, has a deep and mysterious side, one that I do not know.  This is the man who has greeted me today.  “I’ve been thinking about you,” he says as he leads me into the room.  He stands and rubs his hands lightly up and down my arms, as if to calm me.  His touch moves to my face, my neck, my shoulder and then his lips follow the path of his touch … his touch … does he know how I crave his touch?  I have missed this, his touch, his energy.  And yet, the energy in the room today is different … I have not experienced this before … he is the same, and yet different, deeper, darker.

Again he whispers in my ear “we’re going to play with energy today, are you ready?”  His breath has hit that spot behind my ear … I can’t help but shiver … how does he know?  How does he always know what I can’t express?  I start to fidget, rocking on my feet, trying to move my hands apart, to quietly test the bonds in a way that he can’t see.  He smiles, but makes no comment.  He always sees.  “I’d like you to stand over there” he says and indicates a spot on the other side of the room.  I move to the spot.  As I turn around, I see him pulling out white plastic boxes.  He lines the boxes up with the covers ajar.  Then he take out a number of black leather implements, some thick, some thin.  I watch in fascination.  What would they feel like?  Will he use those on me?  Will it be painful?  Will it be pleasurable?  How I long for the feelings to be pleasurable.  I imagine sensations of pain/pleasure, an energy hum moving through my body.  I am aware of holding my breath as I watch him.  Breathe.  I must breathe … in, out … in, out … in, out.  I watch as he takes out rope and sets it up.  I feel so exposed standing, watching him work.  He is so focused, so organized.  When he has finished, he turns to look at me.  I can see him thinking.

“I’m going to release the cuffs.  I want you to undress and when you are finished, I want you to present your hands to me.”  Once I’ve undressed he lets me stand there with my arms extended towards him for a moment.  Am I begging him to bind me?  Yes, that’s what it feels like.  After what seems like an eternity, he binds my arms together again.  “I’m going to blindfold you.  I want you to focus on the sensations you are feeling and I want you to concentrate on breathing.”  He turns and places a blindfold over my eyes. “Breathe.”  I feel his hands start to move over my body, stroking, pulling at my breasts, more stroking.  He stops and then I feel the pinch of the nipple clamps.  A sharp tug and I am focused again.  I can sense him bending over and then I feel something wrap around my left ankle.  “Spread your legs wider.”  I do as he asks and feel something wrap around the other ankle.  I am spread wide.  He strokes my cunt and his fingers come up covered in my juices.  

He moves to the couch, sits and pulls me across his lap.  I squirm.  I have never been in a man’s lap like this.  Without full use of my hands and legs I feel awkward and ungraceful.  But his hand stroking my cunt is making me forget about any awkwardness.  I start to hump his leg.  It feels so good.  I hump and hump and hump.  Ahhhh, already I want to come. These feelings that I have cut off for so many years are re-emerging.  I am greedy … I want more, more, more of these feelings. 

 “No.”  He slaps my ass, once, twice lightly, but hard enough to get my attention.  “You will not come without my permission.  And it will be quite some time before I grant you permission.”  I can sense his smile as he says these words.  I groan.  “We are going to start with a spanking.  I want to hear you thank me after each spank.”  He starts to finger my pussy and I start to squirm again.  “Remember, you do not come without my permission.  If you do there will be consequences.”  Slap, his hand comes down on my ass.  I’m not sure if I like it or not, but he has me so turned on I can feel the vibrations in my clit. Thank you.  He waits a moment …. slap, his hand comes down on the other cheek.  Thank you.  He is slowly increasing the intensity of the slaps as he periodically rubs my pussy.  Oh goddess, who knew.  Thank you.  Pussy rub, slap, thank you, slap, thank you. He continues like this for quite a few minutes, varying the intensity, the timing. Thank you.  A strong slap has me trying to close my legs.  Thank you. Ahhhh, I am bound open for him.  I can’t close to him even if I want to. I am beginning to understand how he can control me … my reactions, my opening and my closing.  He takes out a paddle and rubs my ass.  The respite is wonderful …. and I am missing the intensity of the spanking.  Thank you.  Do I really want him to use the paddle on me?  Yes, no, thank you.  Thwack.  Thank you.  The sensation is different.  Again, do I like it?  I think so.  It is sensation, a different sensation and I am a sensation whore.  He is keeping me turned on, not close to coming, but turned on.  A few more paddles, a few more pussy rubs, thank you, thank you, thank you and I start humping his leg again.  Oh goddess.  I’m not doing it on purpose … my body wants to hump him.  I want to come.  I’m close to coming.  “No.”  He stops.  “Breathe.”

I want him.  I can feel his erection as I lay across his lap.  Oh goddess, I want him.  I want this man. He pulls me up to my knees and puts a cushion on the floor.  I kneel on the cushion with my hands bound in front of me and my ankles bound apart.  He stands in front of me and I can smell that scent that is his alone.  I use my bound hands to guide him into my mouth.  Sucking, licking, sucking, swirling, I want to give him the pleasure that he is providing me.  His hands move to my face … holding my head.  He starts to fuck my mouth.  I can feel myself opening for him.  Opening to spirit … how does he do this?  I am sucking and humping, sucking and humping.  I can hear his breathing quickening.  He stops and removes himself from my mouth.  I am empty.  How can this be?  I can sense him smiling.  He moves away and I can hear him moving around the room.  I feel so empty without him, without his touch.

After a couple of minutes he guides me to standing.  He takes my bound hands and attaches them to something … my arms are then stretched over my head.  Next he clips the bar to the floor so that my legs cannot move.  Again I test the bindings. I can undulate my body, but my wrists are bound tight, as are my ankles.  My ass is warm and tender from the spanking earlier.  His hands are stroking my body again, up, down, scratching, spreading the energy now that my body is standing.  Up, down, stroking, up, down, stroking, scratching my ass.  He rubs my pussy … it’s like his touch is filled with electricity.  His touch goes straight to my core.  “Don’t come without my permission,” he says in my ear as he tugs the nipple clamps.  Oh goddess.  My body is filled with the wondrous sensation of pain/pleasure. I breathe, deep breathing, in, out, in, out.  He pulls harder.  Aggghhh. I am panting.  He rubs my pussy again and pulls, just a little bit more on the clamps. I am humping his hand. “Don’t come,” he says.  My body wants more of this amazing sensation, but if I don’t pull away, I will come.  I move my body away from his hand.  No, please, I say, I’m going to come, no, please, please, oh please. I’m moaning. He stops and removes his hand from my pussy and drops the chain of the nipple clamps.

“I think it’s time to try something new.”  I sense him turning away from me.  And then I feel something heavy being placed over one of my shoulders.  Is it a flogger?  It feels like it.  Oh mamma … I have imagined what this might feel like for years.  Will the actual sensations meet my expectations?  What if I don’t like it?  What if it hurts? What if …. I feel the nipple clamp being pulled again. He takes it off my left tit.  Arrrrgggg, the blood is rushing in ….. his mouth takes the pain away.  “Stay out of your head.  I want your mind here, present.”  How did he know?  He takes the clamp off the other breast.  Again his mouth takes the pain away.

I can sense him moving to stand behind me.  “I want you to count the strokes,” he says to me.  Whizz …. ohhhhh ….one …. whizz …. two, ahhhh ….. three, four … the lashes start coming more quickly .. lightly, but quickly.  Does he have two floggers? So fast.  I can’t tell.  Five, six, seven, eight.  I am losing count.  The sensation is moving throughout my body … my entire body is alive …. humming energy … humming energy.  Nine, ten, twelve.  How many? … oh it feels like I’m floating on a wave. Has he stopped already?  I think so.  He’s in front of me now.  “You need to count Vivian, you need to count.”  The stroke hits the front of my body.  Oh goddess the sensations.  Again, my tender breasts are on fire, my belly, my pussy the strokes are hitting my pussy… nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen. I’m humping the strokes.  I want to come.  I’m humping the flogger.  I want to come, please let come.  The strokes are hard enough to keep me on edge, but not enough … oh goddess not enough … so close … oh please, please, please.  “No.”  Ahhhhh.  How?  How can I not come?

I surrender.  I can feel my body relax into the strokes.  I surrender … his desires, his wants, he controls.  I am the vessel; he is the master.  He controls my opening, my closing.  He controls.  How did I not understand this?  “Good girl,” I hear him say. “Good girl,” as I surrender into what is.

I am riding a wave of sensation … floating on a wave. The strokes have stopped, but I’m still floating.  He removes my blindfold. My ankles are untethered from the floor. I feel an arm come around my back holding me up.  The bar is still attached. I cannot close.  Next I feel my arms slowly dropping down.  I am unsteady.  He helps me move to the floor and lays me out.  I feel the cold of the lube on my overheated pussy.  Will he let me come?  I feel his magic fingers enter me. Oh yes.  Yes.  I start moving.  “Not without my permission, ” I hear.  Then, “good girl.”  I am fucking his fingers, his hand.  Oh goddess, please, please, please.  Please, may I come, please? I see him smile, a big grin.  In his other hand I see the magic wand.  He presses it to my pussy.  “Yes. Come.”  The orgasm rocks through my body.  On and on and on and on I am fucking his magic hand, fucking the magic wand.  Yes, I am open, wide open, fucking open. oh god. oh god. oh god.

As my body quiets, he takes the bindings off my wrists and ankles.  He holds me close.  I can feel that my ass is sore.  The rest of me? I’m not sure yet. That awareness will come soon enough.  For now I need his quiet touch … that quiet connection. “Good girl,” I hear him whisper.  “Amazing, fucking, good girl.”  

The End (for now)